Friday, February 9, 2007

My God, I Hate Progesterone

I knew it would be bad right from the beginning. Nothing good can come from something that starts with a nurse saying, "You have two options. You can either take it as an intramuscular injection or a vaginal suppository."

Well, gee. How does a girl choose? Both sound utterly delightful.

But just for fun, let's examine our options, shall we?

Option A: Intramuscular Injection. Translation: Big Ol' Shot in the Ass. With a BIG needle, not one of those pansy-ass sub-cutaneous things. Every day.

As flexible as I may be, and as big as my ass is getting*, that would be a seriously tricky maneuver to pull off by myself.

Which means my husband would have to do it.

And I shudder to think what he would do with that kind of power.

So, it was a "NO" on Option A. Because really, IVF is a figurative pain in the ass already, why go and make it literal, too?

So I was left with Option B: Vaginal Suppositories. I thought, So I have to shove a small(ish) capsule up my vajay-jay twice a day? Big deal. This sounded like a cake walk after all the other torturous aspects of IVF.

The nurse handed them over and said, "Keep them refrigerated."

I didn't think to question this. I've had to keep other medications refrigerated before and I always just figured it was for the same reason you refrigerate food--- so it doesn't spoil.

Well, there is another, very specific reason the suppositories must be kept cold.

THEY MELT.

(and just in case you haven't gotten there on your own already, I'll continue...)

So, guess what happens when they are nestled into a warm cozy vagina? Yes, very good, class. They MELT. Or perhaps LEAK would be a better term at this point. SLOWLY. THROUGHOUT THE DAY. ALL DAY.

Yes.

And if the leaky vagina isn't enough for you, here is a list of other side effects**.

headache
breast tenderness or pain
upset stomach
vomiting
diarrhea
constipation
tiredness
muscle, joint, or bone pain
mood swings
irritability
excessive worrying
vaginal discharge
problems urinating

Diarrhea AND constipation? How exactly does that work? And the vaginal discharge? Well, how would you even know...

But my personal favorite is the "excessive worrying". As if I needed an extra push in that direction.

But, the VERY BEST part of all this?

The side effects of progesterone are almost exactly the same as the symptoms one might experience in early pregnancy. So allow me to add one more side effect to the list:

FUCKING WITH YOUR MIND!


*Admit it, you thought that would be a link to a picture of my ass didn't you? You know you did.

**Mom: I've tried to tell the doctors that both you and I are very sensitive to medication and could I please just insert HALF of the suppository? They said no.

Edited comment: My husband just finished reading this, and all he has to say is, "Can't they give you some kind of plug?"

91 comments:

Hopeful Mother said...

Both options suck, no doubt about it.

I am "lucky" in that I got to switch from PIO after 10 days to suppositories - except I use the normally-oral 200mg prometrium tablets and they are not nearly as messy.

And, yeah, excessive worrying is almost funny to put on the list. How would you know? What sucks the most is that the progesterone side effects are the same ones as pregnancy... talk about a mind bender.

Watson said...

'Some kind of plug...'

HAHAHAHAHAHA. Just like a husband!

I too would choose the suppositories over the injections, but I don't think my dr. gives us the choice.

And THAT'S what IF has become, truly a Sophie's Choice of terrible options.

I wish you luck, though, and hope the dreadful side effects are not too, too bad.

Carol said...

oh yeah. big fun. I was never given the choice - my Dr likes the PIO.

Bumble said...

That was funny, I'm sure its not really funny, but you make it SOUND funny. I'll get to experience all the joys in a little while for myself, thanks for the heads up.

Oh and... vajay-jay...? LMAO!!!!

Aurelia said...

I'm with hopeful mother, the suppositories leaked with me, itched burned, etc. and the prometrium used as suppositories worked like a charm, no mess, and perfect progesterone blood levels to boot.
Emotions on the other hand...sorry can't help on that front!!

Tinker said...

I've heard of women using a Diva Cup with the Prometrium, but I'm not sure it would work with your monster meds unless you cut it at least in two first.

Anonymous said...

Ugh. Sounds delightful. But it sounds like hubby is on to something though. hee.

I agree; the side effects are the cruelest of cruel. Wishing you the best through this part.

~Sarah

Nicole said...

Love the plug idea, he should patent it!

Kris said...

Thanks for your kind words on my post.

I've done both. And I prefer the shots. They certainly suck, but I much preferred one quick pinch to all day leakage. But if I had to try the suppositories again, I'd try to use one of the Instead Cups as a "plug"- at least once to see if it helped.

Good luck.

JenderBender said...

Hmm, that sounds pleasant. Can you believe all this crap that we have to go through?
I didn't get the option, so I got the big needle in the bum last night. Luckily, my ass is fat enough I don't feel it all the much. My Husband said, "Hmm, looks like we've got plenty of cushion--hope we hit the muscle". Thanks..

Good Luck!! :)

Susan said...

So, there IS actually a kind of plug?! A Diva Cup? I'm not sure that sounds much better than the leaking....
I'm picturing a little dixie cup with adorned with the face of Mariah Carey or Whitney Houston.

Meg said...

Yes suppositories suck no matter now you look at it but.....you can take them rectally - I know wicked gross but.....no leaking and its really not that bad. Just an FYI

Stephanie said...

I have read a girls guide to pregnancy and every other book that gives you the "facts" and NO ONE but you has touched on the horrors of these terrible progesterone bullets. Leaking all day long is the very worst part. Worrying that someone will see this and think i have peed my pants is wretched. And the kicker? changing my sheets daily because lying down does not stop the leaking.

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