Okay, in honor of Watson, who made me laugh with her MC Hammer reference, but also in honor of my husband who sings "We Built This City" (as in, "on rock and roll" by Jefferson Starship, or Starship, or Ship or whatever they call themselves now) in soft, lullabye-like tones while gazing lovingly into my eyes, here is my infertility journey as told through top billboard hits of the 80s- the present.
My husband and I would Bang A Gong each month, right on time. I mean, we were really Knockin' Da Boots, Time After Time. And nothing. So, we went to the doctor and he said it would be Against All Odds that we would conceive a child on our own. I couldn't stand the thought of not having a baby. I said, I Can't Go For That, No Can Do. So, I went to a doctor and he gave me some Bad Medicine. I said I Want A New Drug! These meds turned me into a Maniac and forced me to keep asking, "Is it Hot In Herre or is it just me?" And My Hips Don't Lie, I was gaining weight. I mean, I am Bootylicious now.
When our first IVF try failed, I thought Another One Bites the Dust. But we were Too Legit To Quit. There was Always Something There To Remind Me how much I wanted a baby. Fertile people kept offering me ass-vice like, "Don't Worry Be Happy" and "just drink some Red Red Wine, it worked for us!" and "You gotta have Faith." But we knew those things weren't going to work for us.
So much for the old fashioned way of making babies. What's Love Got to do With It? For us, it meant I had to Lean Back and let the doctors root around Down Under. And as for my husband, he had to get it Straight Up and Beat It while looking at pictures of Dirty Diana in the sperm sample room.
Next came the Bills, Bills, Bills. Now we just have to Hold On and wait. Hopefully this cycle will work for us or maybe we'll get lucky with our frozen embryos and have an Ice Ice Baby.
Oh, goodness. I hope you all can forgive this. It's the two week wait and I'm just trying to occupy myself.
(And, someone please, please read the lyrics for We Built This City, and tell me what the hell they are talking about.)