Sunday, March 11, 2007

The Secret, My Ass

Have you all seen The Secret? It's been on Oprah, CBS news, and I'm guessing any other talk show/ magazine/ article/ website/ the oily little "Secret brigade" can get weasel their way into. It's a book, it's a movie ... it's complete and utter bullshit.

Maybe it's just me. But I don't get it. Does this not appear to anyone else as a bunch of money-grubbing, fame-hungry salespeople attempting to re-package and market the age-old idea of the power of positive thinking? A bunch of smarmy "experts" (of what, I have no clue) spouting useless, obnoxious, and even insulting cliches?

Or maybe I'm just being negative.

Take, for example, this cheesy and offensive bit of propaganda about how to become rich. Watch this first. Then, imagine in your own head what the Secret folks might suggest that we infertiles visualize. Perhaps it would go a little something like this:

I am a baby-making machine.

I am full of ripe eggs right now and at every second.

I have more children than Michelle Duggar.

I will find a baby on my door step.

We have more than enough correctly- shaped, forwardly- mobile sperm to make all the babies we'll ever want.

A lack of fallopian tubes/ ovaries/ progesterone/ ovulation/viable eggs/moving sperm will not get in the way of a natural pregnancy.

An unexpected pregnancy is on the way; it could happen at any moment.

I will have my dream baby.

I know that no matter what I ask, no matter what it is, if I believe it, a large muscle-bound genie will slink out of this Diet Coke bottle I am compulsively rubbing, and say "Your wish is my command."

So, there we are girls. We have The Secret. Our infertility woes are over. All those people who told us to just relax and to think positively, well, they were right all along! All that money and time we are putting into visiting those silly RE's? ...Completely unnecessary! The shots?... Gratuitous! The operations?... Absolutely optional!

All this time, all we needed was "The Secret".

Don't we just feel like fools?

Well, since I'm already pregnant (the HARD way, damnit!) I'll have to use The Secret to improve my life in other ways. Perhaps I'll use it to pay off our excessive student loans, get that Audi SUV my husband covets, buy a big house, heal any sickness that my friends and family may encounter, lose 25 pounds, and, if I'm not too tired from all this positive thinking and goodness-attracting, I guess I'll end the war and stop the genocide in Darfur.

13 comments:

JOSHUA S BLACK said...

Hehehe, you are one of the very few people that I have seen with a clear understanding that the "Secret" is a bunch of baloney!

Congratulations, ma'am, on seeing straight through the lie of the devil to Eve (see Genesis 3:1-7). He keeps saying the same thing because we keep right on falling for it. We truly are sons of Adam and daughters of Eve.

God bless you, ma'am.

Susan said...

I think perhaps the reasons we each find The Secret to be baloney are quite different, but I certainly appreciate your comment.

ellie said...

Oh, I think I am coming back daily just to read the comments you will be bringing in... this could get really really interesting from the non-if folks...
If only I had known those PIO shots were gratuitous! That would have saved my lumpy bruised bum a heck of a experience that I can't say really did much to improve my outlook on life in the first place.

Adrienne said...

Oooh, let the troll commenting begin! (Oh, wait, it's already started.)

Sarah said...

yeah, i saw another post about this somewhere in blogland. the whole thing is just very annoying.

Nicole said...

I agree, that stuff is total bullshit!

Lut C. said...

'The Secret' and all 'positive thinking' miracle cures are code for 'it's all your own fault'.

Poor? It's your own fault.
Sick? It's your own fault.
Single? It's your own fault.
IF? It's your own fault.

And since it's your own fault, we don't need to help you. Except by pointing out where you're going wrong, so you can fix it yourself. Cash up front please.

Bumble said...

Thank goodness for the secret. Now I can stop wasting all my money of nose snorters, injections, turkey basters and pills. All I need to do is think positively. Who knew?

Sara said...

Thank you! I was beginning to wonder if I was the only one that hadn't completely lost my mind.

Tam said...

Hey there,

I am new here..(um, to blogland that is) and I just wanted to pop by and say hi and congrats on your BFP!! I also think that's a load of shite, imagine that...no-one would have problems...you must have been doing loads of positive thinking...

Aurelia said...

Ditto Lut...effin brilliant

Princess Barren said...

Damn, I could've saved so much time and money if I just thought positively like my evil aunts have told me all along.
Figures I'd find this out *after* stimming for 3 weeks for no reason.
Bunch of assbags.

Melissa said...

:)